Guest Post: Tips to conquer your first Turducken

Serving a Turducken at your holiday feast this year? Our ever-witty friend Tim shares his first Turducken experience in this entertaining guest post. Pick up some pointers for ensuring your own chicken/duck/turkey mashup makes it to the Christmas dinner table on time, after fun-filled day of team cooking, and in a way that would make John Madden proud.

Turducken: It's What's for Dinner 
by Timothy Rapp

To make a Turducken is to scoff at Mother Nature. It is to snicker up toward the gods and say, “One of your measly little birds cannot satisfy the feast that I require. Nay, I shall slay three winged creatures—a chicken, a duck and a turkey—and I shall eat heartily as is my wont.” Remember your priorities, of course. Thanksgiving isn’t just about pigging out. It’s also about giving thanks for your blessings and loved ones and all that good stuff.  But make sure to do that quickly so you don’t delay the lusty eating for too long.

Turducken (photo courtesy Boston.com)

Now, I’m no expert cook and I’m not going to act like one. I am but a mere man who attempted to make a Turducken and lived to tell the tale. I’ll save the techniques and pairing options for the Food Network or your favorite food blogger.

Rather, the following is an outline of the basic steps needed to create a Turducken along with some advice (read: an account of the dumb things I did you’ll want to avoid repeating) should you decide to travel down this delicious path of poultry.

Three Birds are Better than One

Your first priority is to obtain the three birds required to create your Turducken. I recommend a three-pound chicken that will be stuffed into a six-pound duck that will be stuffed into a 16-pound turkey. And all three need to be deboned.

This next part is vital: Do not assume that the deboning process is a simple one.

It isn’t.